My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
