he puts the penis in happiness.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
