i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
last night I used snow as a chaser
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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