he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
