Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
