I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
