just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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