Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
