she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
