I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
