Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
