69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
