Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
