Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
