I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
