things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
