Screwed.edu
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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