bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
