Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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