I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
