just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
