the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
