i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
