As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
