you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
