Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
