return my video game
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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