I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
