exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
