So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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