in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
