She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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