Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
