if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
