Do you still have your period?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
