this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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