Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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