I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
