Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
