3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
