i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
