if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
