She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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