so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
