anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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