nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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