I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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