that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
