new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
