Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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