i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
