Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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