would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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